Long term chemistry between people goes much further than hugs. For example values. Values tell you exactly if you guys are a match made in Heaven.
Problem is, values aren’t something we often text about. Indeed, we have a hard time figuring out what our own values might be, let alone asking our new partner what their values are.
Are you thinking of handing in a friend into the police, despite it being literally the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do? You’ll do it because the decision aligns with your values.
Gonna forgive your partner, despite their lying? You will if forgiveness is a value of yours.
As you can imagine, even if there is chemistry between people, if your values and beliefs don’t match your partner’s, it will be next to impossible for this relationship to go the distance. How to know if a new partner has the same significant core values as you? There are five key texts you can send:
1. Talk Openly About The Things That Matter The Most to You
Imagine if you were to talk passionately about the things that matter the most to you in a text message – be it veganism, climate change, health, diet, racism and so on – and they brazenly ignored it all and changed the subject?
You might not think that means a lot – they might just not be in the mood to talk about it – but it could tell you more than you realize.
If someone shares the same values as you, they would jump into the conversation with excitement. They would agree with you and share their passion.
If they don’t really care? They won’t know how to reply.
Or they’ll change the subject.
Either way, if something you’re super passionate about barely gets a response, see this as a warning sign. This is definitely not a good sign of chemistry between people.
2. Bring Up A Story
Easiest way to see if someone shares your core values? Bring up a controversial situation related to your highest value.
For example, let’s say that forgiveness matters a lot to you, and you’ve got a friend who won’t forgive you for one stupid mistake you made.
You bring it up via text to your new partner and ask for their thoughts. If they agree with you? Fantastic! They’re also the kind of person who doesn’t like to hold grudges. It suggests you guys will resolve arguments easily.
If they take a contrary opinion to you? It’s a warning sign that they don’t share your core values.
And if the two of you start to argue over this via text, it’s a sign of things to come.
3. Ask What Motivates Them The Most
This is an excellent question to ask a prospective partner that can tell you almost straight away if you two share the same values.
Let’s say you’re motivated by a desire to work hard and change the world, but they’re motivated by the thought of sleeping in on Saturday morning. Sometimes strong chemistry between people allows you to overlook their lack of motivation for awhile… But at some point you are going to break down and resent them for pulling you down.
After all, that’s so not you – you love to stay productive all weekend.
Whatever motivates you needs to be similar to what motivates them if you guys are going to work in the long term.
4. Ask Them What They Want to Be Remembered For
We really like this question because it gets people thinking and it can reveal a lot about them and their beliefs.
For example, they might tell you that they want to be remembered for their kindness and generosity. If you share those values, excellent.
Whatever we want to be remembered for is often what drives us each day to make the decisions we make. If your partner says they want to be remembered as someone who changed the world, it suggests they work hard and are hugely ambitious. If this is not you? It might be the time to move on.
5. Chemistry Between People Includes The Future
How can you find out what the future may hold?
Ask Where They Want to Be in 5 Years’ Time
If you know where you want to be in five years’ time, it’s important that your partner wants to be in a similar place.
Ask yourself this question and then ask your partner. Long term chemistry between people is built on more than kissing and holding hands… it is built on values.
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