Why Has He Stopped Texting Me?

Why has he stopped texting me? it’s one of the most frequently asked questions in the dating game, and also one of the easiest to explain. If you’ve ever found yourself sitting on your bed waiting for a text from a guy that’s never going to come, don’t reel off a million messages to him demanding to know why the texting stopped – your dignity is worth more then that! Quit sending your friends, “Why has he stopped texting me?!!! ☹” messages, and read on to find out why, and what you can do about it.

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Why has he stopped texting me?!” – asked every woman, at least once in her life’

So you went on a date with a guy, he sent the perfect follow up text the next morning, and the days that followed were texting bliss. Then, suddenly: Silence.

You’re left staring at your phone and rereading the messages, asking yourself what it was you said that put him off so much. You send countless messages to your close friends and get a long list of responses:

“Why has he stopped texting me?!”

 “He’s probably married”

 “He’s an a**hole”

 “He might be a secret agent”

 Urghhhh. This kind of thing is so frustrating, and it happens ALL. THE. TIME. But the answer to the question, “Why has he stopped texting me?” probably isn’t as exciting as your friends think. It normally comes down to one of three things:

He’s Just Not That Into You

In the famous words of Justin Long: sometimes, he’s just not that into you.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Maybe you did have a great date, and he thought you were a nice girl, but didn’t feel that ‘spark’. So he sent you a follow up text the next day because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings – but then the texting got out of hand.

Breaking up’ with someone after just one date is kind of awkward. You run the risk of being embarrassed by looking like you took it all way too seriously if you send the big; “I had a really great night last night but….” Text. Sometimes it really is better just to keep quiet. Sorry.

He’s Just A Jerk

On the other hand, he might just be a jerk. He was all thumbs and messages when he had nothing else going on, then as soon as another girl walks past him he’s off on yet another chase, leaving you sitting on your bed eating chocolate and asking: “Why has he stopped texting me!”, to yourself, your friends, and your Ryan Gosling poster.

The idea that guys have a ‘one track mind’ is misleading: trust me, they can sure track a whole lot of girls in that mind, and you might have just be the lucky one who he let slip by.

Texting 5 girls at a time is normal for lots of guys – after all, to be fair, it’s perfectly ok to be into more than one person at ones, as long as your treat them all with respect – and as soon as one of them gives an obvious green signal, that might just spell the end for the other 4. Count your lucky starts that you were ‘the one that got away’ from this player.

He Is In To You. Duh!

One of the most frustrating things for guys is when girls look wayyyy too deep into their text messaging.

Men are not always the emotionally communicative and in-touch creatures we would love them to be, and they often don’t know that leaving you hanging on a text might lead to your severe emotional demise.

In his mind it goes like this: I like you, that’s obvious – I’ll give you a call when I’m going to ask you out.

Kudos to you if you caught this guy – he might not be a text wizard, but at least he knows what he wants!

So, you’ve worked out which category your ‘Why has he stopped texting me!?’ cries fall in to. Now, what do you do?

DON’T text him again on the same day

Don’t be that double texting girl who sends the ‘smooth’ second message in the hope of squeezing one last text out of him.

Trust me, it doesn’t work and it’s not worth your dignity.

If he’s into you but not into texting, he’ll appreciate the space and give you a call when he wants to ask you out. And if he’s a jerk – well, he’s a jerk.

DO send a follow up message if you really thought you had something

If you’re quite sure he doesn’t fall in to the ‘jerk’ category, there’s really no harm in sending a follow up text after a few textless days. Just something light and non-accusatory, like:

“Hey, it’s been a while, up to anything this weekend?”

If he’s not in to you but a nice guy, he’ll at least feel bad enough to come up with an excuse, and then you can go on your merry way knowing it was nothing you did.

And if he is in to you, you’ll probably get a text back saying:

“Of course I am – taking you out to dinner!”

It’s a win-win situation. (And if there is no response, then refer back to above)

Why Has He Stopped Texting Me – Really?

There are so many reasons why has has dropped off the face of the earth, and almost non of them have to do with anything that you did – so don’t take it out on yourself.

Next time you’ve got something going with a guy and the texts dry up like an Australian summer, forget about the “Why did he stop texting me?!” phone calls. Stay calm and composed and follow the rules. Trust me, they work.

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About Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.

View all posts by Claudia Cox

17 Responses to “Why Has He Stopped Texting Me?”

  1. […] A few months ago I wrote an article for the ladies, trying to get to the bottom of the reasons why men can suddenly lose all interest and stop texting back – Why did HE stop texting me? […]

  2. Hi Claudia!
    I’d really appreciate your opinion on something. So I’ve been texting this guy on Facebook for about a week. I know thats not long so I try to not read anything into it-but here I am writing this. 😀
    He is my neighbour, well was until a few weeks ago so I don’t run into him in the building any more, but I still have the keys so I’m still there sometimes. I texted him about a week ago and he directly started answering, asking a lot of questions and seemed really interested into me and what I do. We were writing a few times a day with maybe half to one hour spaces between the messages. He still keeps asking questions, but yesterday for example he didn’t answer the last text for over a day, although I saw he read it and was online a few times during the day. He answered, I answered a few hours later and now it’s a whole day again — he’s still asking questions, but why suddenly space the messages out so much after just a week?
    – The ‘ thought I’m not crazy but apparently I am#- Girl

    • He probably has another woman he’s texting and one is more interesting than the other,
      But when he’s bored he runs back and forth.
      He’s playing games. Been there done that!

  3. Well there is this guy that I have a crush on, so it started when my friends told me that he was online and I texted him. And he answered. Then we talked about stuff, when we told each other that we like each other, we started texting each day. But 5 days later, he now stopped. And when I texted him, he doesn’t answer anymore. But in school, he always smiles at me and blushes.

    What does this mean?
    Has he lost interest on me?

    • Hi Alejandra,
      Thanks for reaching out, I’m sorry to hear about your situation 🙁 I would stop texting him for the moment…let him be the one to start texting you again. I’m not sure if he has lost interest, he may have stopped because he’s shy, nervous (now that you know he likes you) or just really busy. In any case, if he isn’t texting you back then stop and give him some space.
      Bisous,
      Claudia

  4. Hi, I’ve been divorced for about a year and a half now and recently met a man I really like. This kind of like definitely has not happened for me often. We did sleep together on the second date. I know it was to soon, but honestly I had not had sex since my divorce, and the way he kissed me made me putty in his hands. We continued to speak, and see each other. He always asked about my children, and sent me pictures of his, and even hinted at them meeting one day. My question is this, I initiated our last text conversation, which is rare for me. The last thing he said was “that’s awesome” after a video I sent. I didn’t respond because I didn’t feel a response was necessary. Today will be 5 days since I’ve heard from him. Should I contact him or leave it alone? And what should I say if I do contact him? It’s been so long since I’ve dated, and texting has surely made things more complicated. Thank you, and I’d appreciate any advice.”

    • Hi Allyson,
      That’s a tough call…but I would wait for him to answer…it seems like you have made a lot of effort, and now it’s his turn. If he only replies “that’s awesome” then he needs to up his text game. I believe that dating is a numbers game…so even if you are not comfortable with it…get out there and start dating a bunch of guys:) I would love to help you. Send me an email – claudia@textwearpon.com
      Bisous,
      Claudia

  5. Thanks for your post. I think i need to let it out. I met a guy on my holidays back home. We hit it off. he worked as a Diplomatic in my home town. I am Asian and he is from the states. after I went back to the country where I live and work,he visited me twice. We had a great connection. and he said He will no longer work in my home country and he got transferred to another country soon. I felt so sad and tried not to attach him emotionally. But he said he will visit me again. After he went on holidays back to his home in the states,he still tried to help me for my school applications which he encouraged me to get scholarship in the US. we said we missed each other. I stopped texting him for one week coz i didnt want to disturb his family times and he reached out to me later But just before he moved to another country for diplomatic, he changed not texting me a lot or he sounded just a normal friend. I initiated conversation a few times. my last time was I let him know that i was not selected for scholarship. We started talking about it again and I told him I would move back to my home country and try another times for scholarship. Then he ignored me totally on FB messenger and I saw him online sometimes but never reached out to me. I put him on restricted list on Facebook for a week where he could not see my posts an pics at all then I decided to remove him from that list and he can see all my stuffs. After over one month we didn’t talk/text, I uploaded my new pic on facebook and he straightly liked it. I don’t have any idea at all. I feel so hurt but I still could control my feelings and never confront him yet.PS( when I tried to end the things , he did not want and he said he still wanted to keep in touch and talk to me). I never nag or chase him. Most of the times, i reached out to him were about school applications which he was helping me, coz i dont want him to feel pressured). Now He totally ignores me! 🙁 please tell me somethings.

    • Hi Sarah,
      I’m sorry to hear about your frustration…it’s tough, because of the distance and the fact that you don’t know where you will be in the future (are you still applying to schools in the US?). I would grab his attention by changing your profile photo again to something cute, and then like something on his page. When he responds (which I’m pretty sure he will). Write something non application related, and nothing too serious. Ask him about something he likes – for example is he a huge NFL fan? Check out what is happening with his favorite team and write him something, followed by a question about his life. For example “I don’t even need to ask, I’m sure you’ll be watching the Lions tomorrow, right? 🙂 How’s your xyz?” From there, keep it light and short. Use emojis. Tell him that you were thinking about him and just wanted to say hi. Let him take it from there…
      And probably the most important thing of all? Don’t get into a long conversation via text about your relationship, future, etc. If you want to talk to him about that, try and schedule a video chat if you cannot see him in person (which sounds like the case at the moment).
      Good luck!
      Bisous
      Claudia

  6. So I had been texting this guy that was in another state he is a welder. After 3 months of texting we finally meet and have a perfect date then he texts me the next two days saying he wanted to hang out again. Now it’s been almost a week and no text back. What do i do?

    • Hi Mary,
      Are you also connected on Social Media? If so, I would like one of his posts (make sure you pick something cool). It is a subtle way of saying “hello, I’m here :)” Otherwise, if you are chatting on what’s app, change your profile photo and put something really cute (guys are visual, so they notice that kind of thing). If you still don’t hear from him, wait another week then ask him a question totally unrelated to the date (you could ask his advice about something) and then see if he brings up the date again. I hope it works out!
      Bisous,
      Claudia

  7. He is from another country. We were talking. He suddenly stopped. I think I was starting to fall for him. I never want to text someone ever again.

  8. Hi, I’ve been seeing this guy for about 5 weeks and he even told me that he likes me. But he texts me when he can arrange the date and we had a great date. But the day after the date, he becomes so cold at texting and stop replying me. So i waited for about 3day-a week ,then he texted me again “i miss you babe”. This has been a hot-and-cold cycle and really confuses me.
    I wanted to develop a serious relationship with him but if he’s just playing games with me then i’m done here. Is this disappearing-and-reappearing text normal? When he stops texting me i feel like he’s pushing me and doesn’t want any emotional tie with me. What should i do to make him text me frequently and consistent with his behavior?

    • Hi Olivia,
      Hot and cold is so frustrating! If you want a future with this guy then you need to ask him what’s going on. Try being direct and see what he says. If he is defensive or hostile, then you know that you would be wasting your time with him. Obviously he’s not ready for a relationship, and it’s time to move on. On the other hand, maybe he doesn’t even realize that he’s doing it and he will change.
      Good luck!
      Bisous,
      Claudia

  9. i met this guy on social media and were in long distance relationship (LDR) for about 3 months, we didnt meet in person but through video call we did… the past 2 months is great conversation and then this month he suddenly stopped messaging me for about 4 days at first day i asked why he is not messaging then he only SEEN my messages that leads me to be angry and said hurtful message i guess, then i continue messaging him like whats the problem, and he seen again then i tried not to message him for about 1 day and he finally message… the message is “what you dont want to talk to me anymore”… i was just like …….. WTF??? and yes most of the time i initiate first on our conversation and then i tried not to message him unless he message me and he message that “why im not messaging him”… what should I reply? and do i really need to start the conversation everytime? his answering when i first initiate and his really busy person he said… is he into me? and do i need to be the first to initiate talking? hope for your reply… thanks in advance

    • Hi Rhea,
      That is a lot of messaging…I have been in the same exact situation as you before, and it sucks! But, no. You should not initiate a conversation with him every time. He should reach out to you. At least 50:50. Does he live someplace nearby? Is there any chance that you could meet him in person? The problem with only texting, skyping, and talking to someone via SM is that you build an image of the person in your head (kind of like reading a book). So, before you get any more emotionally involved with him, try to meet him face to face. And in the meantime, wait for him to text you.
      Bisous x
      Claudia

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