The Science Behind Confident Texting

You've probably heard the old adage that "confidence is sexy", but have you ever wondered where that idea comes from? Wonder no more. It's scientific baby! According to science, being confident will get you more dates than your looks. Every. Single. Time. Sounds promising, huh?

Confident texting
  • Share this:

Is there really science behind confident texting? Well, yes. According to several scientific studies conducted in the area of psychology and cosmetic science, being confident directly translates to being attractive to the opposite sex.

Self-assured people flirt, make eye-contact and put it out there that they are interested in the person they are talking to which creates a certain level of trust and interest. Due to a common aspect of human nature that psychologists call the “reciprocity effect“, this person is then favorably inclined to like them back – and that’s that.

Researchers at the University of Webster put these ideas into practice by conducting some serious research…in a bar. They wanted to discover whether there was one particular thing that made singles more approachable.

The researchers were successful, but surprised. They found that the one thing a girl could do that would always make a guy approach her was not having great looks (or some Beyonce-like dance moves) but rather sending a man an open smile and a direct gaze. In other words: confidence.

So, is confidence just about having a great smile?

Absolutely not. It’s about how you feel.

A study published in the International Journal of Cosmetic Science proved that simply manipulating a man’s feeling of self-confidence made him significantly more attractive to the opposite sex.

Researchers sprayed half a group of men with body spray, and left the other half odorless before taking individual photos of each man. They then showed these photos to a group of women and asked them to judge the men’s attractiveness. The men who had been sprayed were chosen as being more attractive by every woman in the experiment.

What does this show?

Just the feeling of self-confidence makes you change your body language so it’s more attractive to the opposite sex.

5 Tips For Confident Texting

So, sure, that’s all really interesting, but how can you use this information to improve your text game?

1. Manipulate your confidence

Remember, confidence is about how you feel. You can’t fake confidence, but you can manipulate it. If you’re not feeling on top of your game, change the circumstances. Maybe you’ve been sitting on the couch all day and now you’re gearing up to text Mr. Right – go for a run before you do, to create endorphins which will give your confidence a massive boost. Or maybe it’s first thing Monday morning and you want to text that sexy lady who slipped you her number on Saturday night. Don’t do it in your boxers and socks – have a shave, suit up and start feeling great before you send that message.

2. Make a grand entrance

Your first message is the digital version of that smile you might use to grab their attention across the dance floor – make it count. NEVER start with uncertainty, such as asking them if they remember you or even reminding them who you are. Try something like this:

“Have you been staring at your screen since we met? Sorry to keep you waiting – here I am! ;)”

Keep it cocky but playful to save you from veering into arrogance.

3. Text like you talk…

…or how you would talk if you were on flirting fire. Be playful and “touchy” by using visuals to mimic a feeling of intimacy and contact:

“Sorry about all the bad jokes, just remembering how your face lit up when you laughed… I’d like to be responsible for that again…”


“If you were in front of me right now I’d have you in the palm of my hand…”

4. Don’t be boring

Confidence is never boring. Confident people are always interesting, but it’s not necessarily because they always have interesting stories to tell.

They ask questions and then LISTEN to the answer, and respond to it. Try doing this over text and see how quickly your love interest opens up and starts to trust you.

5. Know when to end conversation

Nothing highlights a lack of self-assurance like dragging a dying conversation on for ten too many texts. It makes you look needy and boring. Confident people leave the conversation before it’s over. It shows they have control over it, and know that they have nothing left to prove. When you’re texting, do this by taking note of the height of the conversation. When you are there, give yourself one more text, and then signal that the conversation is over.

This leaves them on a high and makes them want more.

Confident texting could be the most useful texting technique you’ll ever learn. Sending this type of text message indicates that you like yourself, you like the person you’re texting, and you want things to go further. This ignites the reciprocity effect and builds a connection and attraction between the two of you – and the rest is texting history.

So if confidence is sexier than a new outfit or 4 sessions a week at the gym, it’s time to start practicing confident texting like pronto!

Out of creative text message ideas? Sign up for our 30 day free Texting Club trial and you’ll receive over 300 text messages!

  • Share this:

About Claudia Cox

Claudia Cox is a modern communication expert who gives singles and couples alike the tools they need to improve their relationships. She is the creator of The Text Weapon Texting Club, and the author of French Seduction Made Easy. She loves the outdoors, baking tasty treats for friends, and of course, texting.

View all posts by Claudia Cox

Speak Your Mind!

If you’d like a picture to show up by your name, get a Gravatar.