Playful banter is the art of making interesting, playful conversation in an everyday context β and catching the attention of that special someone while doing it.
Thereβs something incredibly sexy about a guy or girl with a way with words that turns heads as much as their looks, and nothing jump starts a connection more than making someone laugh.
Playful banter is basically going back to what your mom used to tell you in elementary school; βHeβs only teasing you because he likes youβ. But hopefully as grownups, weβve now learned how to draw the line between teasing and bullying, and can flirtatiously tease someone without getting told on.
To help you effectively toe the line, here are 5 examples of what to do, and what not to do, when attempting playful banter.
1. The Quirky Banter
βWelcome to the bar, glad you could make itβ
This is the perfect line to get a laugh straight up and let a girl know youβve got a sense of humor.
DO say it with a smile. If youβre not smiling it might come off as sarcastic. Offer to buy her a drink straight away if she responds well.
Donβt say it to a big group in the hope of attracting at least one person β you might get a laugh, but they could be laughing at you
2. The Crazy Banter
βYouβd look really great with a mulletβ
Suggesting extreme makeovers for a guy youβve just met is great for that feeling of instant connectedness, and is also an offbeat way to compliment him. It can work with clothes too β suggest a pair of tight white flairs and see him smile.
DO tell him why, eg. β βIt would really bring out the gorgeous blue in your eyesβ this is a way to say something really nice without being too serious.
Donβt say it to a guy who you can actually imagine with a mulletβ¦ he will get offended and think youβre stereotyping him.
3. The Backhanded Compliment Banter
βIβm not normally a fan of blonde hair, but for you, Iβll make an exceptionβ
The backhanded compliment is a tried and tested way to banter with women. When done well, it makes them feel singled out and complimented, but also slightly confused by you β so they have to hang around and find out more.
Do banter about something about her that is obviously cute β her smile, her hair, her dress.
Donβt backhand compliment her about something if thereβs a possibility she is insecure about it (eg. jokes about short girls are out).
4. The Competitive Banter
βOh so you think youβre good at pool? Letβs see how good you think you are after a game with me!β
Competitive banter is an easy one β just pick something he thinks heβs good at, and challenge him to it. If you beat him, heβll be impressed, and if you lose, he will bask in the role of comforting you.
Do Make it something you can test right there β naming capital cities, playing pool, guessing family members names β otherwise the banter wonβt last long.
Donβt get too competitive. No one likes a boastful person
5. The Antagonistic Banter
βNice shirt β I didnβt realize we were still in the 1970βsβ
Feed in to the push-pull of flirting by telling something you like them by being mean to them. Nothing makes someone go crazy for you like openly flirting while putting up a barrier that they canβt get past.
Playful banter is antagonistic teasing at itβs finest.
Do make it obvious that youβre joking β saying something mean with a laugh is the ultimate torture (in a good way).
Donβt repeat this too often. Enough insults get people down after a while, even if theyβre done with a smile. Slip in a genuine compliment here and there to boost their hope and let them know they have a chance.
And of courseβ¦.donβt stop being flirty and fabulous by text!
Great article Claudia. Playful banter is essential to dating success for both men and women. You definitely have some awesome points here! π
Thanks Justin! I really liked your texting article on the importance of having a goal. Aimless texting is such a waste…and a passion killer.
Biz Claudia
P.S It’s great to connect π
My question is about Competitive Banter. A couple months ago me and this guy started talking and I made the first move to go bowling together. Since then we are using competitive banter between each other he thinks he can win and I think I can win and we tease each other about it. Is competitive banter a sign that he is into me? It doesn’t do it to anyone else just me.
Hi Courtney,
I would say that if a guy makes the effort to banter with you, and not just come back with dry, boring messages that he is probably interested in you π Love the fact that you made the first move and you met him in person. Keep being playful and flirty…and hopefully this little love story will end up where you want it to be!
Bisous x
Claudia