How To Know If You Are Ready For A Relationship

I'm soooo excited to have Caroline Brealey stop by. She is one of the first people I met when I started Text Weapon (I think it was our mutual love of chocolate that initially brought us together). Fast forward a few years later and I am constantly amazed by her positive energy, class and kindness. Caroline is Cupid's little award winning matchmaker who is passionate about helping men and women find "the one". So, who could be better suited to answer the daunting question "how to know if you are ready for a relationship?" ummmm nobody!

Caroline Brealey
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Enter Caroline

How to know if you are ready for a relationship? As a professional matchmaker I am lucky enough to work with incredible single people day in, day out and there are commonalities I’ve found amongst all the ‘date ready’ singles.

Do you recognise these within yourself?

You have made peace with your past relationship

Letting go of the past is not only empowering (if feels such a heavy weight is lifted) but it’s also healthy and needed if you’re to move forward.
A lot of people ask the question “How long will it take me after a breakup to feeling ready to date again?”

They are looking for a magic formula. You know the ones – multiply your body weight by 3, subtract 8, divide by your age and add 4 and voila, that’s how many days it will take you to get over them! Unfortunately, and to no surprise, life doesn’t really work that way…….

The fact is, there is no expiry date on feeling hung up after a relationship comes to an end and no “start date” for when you’ll feel back to your chipper self again. It could take a few weeks, months or years until you truly feel ready to date, let alone be in a relationship. And you know what? That’s ok.

Give yourself time and space. Listen to what your gut and heart are telling you. You know (not that deep down inside!) whether you’re moved on from the past. Trust those natural instincts; they’re there to guide you…

You look at the person not their height

I can’t tell you the number of times I have sat down with a single woman (or man) wanting to join my dating agency, Mutual Attraction, who tell me how serious they are about finding ‘the one’. Except ‘the one’ must be at least 6’0 tall, have stubble but not a beard, live within a quarter mile radius, run triathlons at the weekend and earn a handsome salary. Did you spot the missing factors in that list?

Nothing about his character or what makes him a great man. Nothing about his values, his ambitions in life or what he aspires to be. Nothing about what inspires him and what gets him up in the mornings. In other words…..the important stuff!

I’m not saying the physical aspect isn’t important, it is. But if you’re hung up on the superficial elements of a relationship and can’t see further than that, perhaps it’s not the right time for a relationship. There’s nothing wrong with that, accept and embrace it and have some fun, there is plenty of time for a relationship when you are ready 🙂

You are happy being single (genuinely!)

How to know if you’re ready for a relationship? When you feel a relationship is a want; not a need.

Being happy and content with being single means you won’t be jumping into anything purely on the basis that you don’t like being alone – never a good reason to be in a relationship.

There is a difference between being single and desperate to find someone so you’re not on your own and being single, enjoying it but still hoping to meet someone. The latter is the one who is ready for a relationship. They are the ones looking for a partner to share their life, not someone to fill the time.

Often people do this because being on their own can feel scary and daunting. Surround yourself with friends, family and loved ones and take the opportunity to focus on nobody else but you.

You’ve left the drama behind

Speaking from personal experience here, where you decided “enough is enough” with the drama that comes hand in hand with bad relationships, it is a seriously empowering moment.

Have you ever been in a relationship that’s filled with drama? Heated arguments filled by passionate making up, only for it to be repeated time and time again? I have and it’s exhausting. It also completely knocked my self esteem. My current relationship couldn’t be further from that, yes we still have our moments and we still have drama – but in a fun and positive way!

So, how to know if you are ready for a relationship? Well, if you’re ready to leave the games behind and find someone for a meaningful connection, then you’re ready to be in a happy and healthy relationship.

Above all, be true to yourself. You deserve happiness and you deserve love, it will come, at the right moment for you x

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About Caroline Brealey

Caroline Brealey is an award winning matchmaker at Mutual Attraction dating agency in London. Voted both the UK and International best matchmaker she supports men and women seeking happy, loving and lasting relationships. Join her on either @Matchmaker_Miss or FB Mutual Attraction

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